Meaning Of Car Names

BMW: Brings Me Women.

FIAT: Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.

FORD: For Only Rough Drivers.

HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive....

VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.

PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything.

KIA: Kills In Accidents


OPEL: Old People Enjoying Life


TOYOTA: The One You Only Trust, Always.

GOLF/GTI: Girls Only Love Fun / Get Them Inside


HONDA: Hanged Over, Now Driving Away.

Taxi Driver

A Taxi Passenger Tapped The Driver On The Shoulder To Ask Him A Question. 


The Driver Screamed, Lost Control Of The Car, Nearly Hit A Bus, Went Up On The Footpath, And Stopped Centimeters From A Shop Window.




For A Second Everything Went Quiet In The Cab, Then The Driver Said, "Look Mate, Don't Ever Do That Again. You Scared The Daylights Out Of Me!" 


The Passenger Apologized And Said, "I Didn't Realize That A Little Tap Would Scare You So Much."




The Driver Replied, "Sorry, It's Not Really Your Fault. Today Is My First Day As A Cab Driver. I've Been Driving A Funeral Van For The Last 25 Years." 

Where to tap

Ever Heard The Story Of The Giant Ship Engine That Failed?
The  Ship's Owners Tried One Expert After Another, But None Of Them Could Figure But How To Fix The Engine.


Then They Brought In An Old Man Who Had Been Fixing Ships Since He Was A Youngster.

He Carried A Large Bag Of Tools With Him, And When He Arrived, He  Immediately Went To Work. 
He Inspected The Engine Very Carefully,  Top To Bottom. 


Two Of The Ship's Owners Were There, Watching This Man, Hoping He Would Know What To Do. 
After Looking Things Over, The Old Man Reached Into His Bag And Pulled Out A Small Hammer. 


He Gently  Tapped Something. Instantly, The Engine Lurched Into Life.


He Carefully Put His Hammer Away. 
The Engine Was Fixed! 
A Week Later, The Owners Received A Bill From The Old Man For Ten Thousand  Dollars.


"What?!" The Owners Exclaimed. "He Hardly Did Anything!"


So They Wrote The Old Man A Note Saying, "Please Send Us An Itemized Bill."




The Man Sent A Bill That Read:


Tapping With A Hammer ..      $2.00
Knowing Where To .......... $9998.00


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Moral: Effort Is Important, But Knowing Where To Make An Effort In Your  Life Makes All The Difference.

Programmer Vs Non-Programmer

A Non-programmer Thinks There Are 1000 Bytes In A Kilobyte.


A Programmer Is Convinced That There Are 1024 Meters In A Kilometer.


Non-programmer : I've Just Become A Member Of Rotract Club.
Programmer : Public Member Or Private?


Non-programmer: Hey.. My Submarine Is Not Sinking Into The Water!! What Could Be Wrong?
Programmer: May Be You Have Used Float Instead Of Double In The Software.


Non-programmer: Hey Bill, Can You Do Me A Favor? Can You Pass On These 500 Rupees To My Friend Joe?
Programmer: Sure.. Why Not? But Tell Me One Thing. Tell Me Whether Its Pass By Value Or Pass By Reference. 

Heaven

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. 


She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you." 


When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her. 


"Which word?" the woman asked.  


"Love." 


The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. 


About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. 


While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?" 


"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?" 


"You have to spell a word," the woman told him. 
"Which word?" her husband asked. 


"Czechoslovakia ." 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Moral of the story:  Never make a woman angry... There will be Hell to pay later!

Asking The Right Question!

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. 
Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.


Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"


So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I  smoke while I pray?" 


The Priest replies, "No, my son, you  may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."


Jack goes back to his friend and  tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not  surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."


And so Max  goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"


To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all  means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want  to."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Moral of the story is... The reply you get depends on the  question you ask.


For example, if you want a vacation when still  working on a project don't ask for the holiday; 
Ask: "Can I keep  working on this project while I'm on vacation?"


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Happy Halloween!!

Happy Halloween!!

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