Funny -- Interesting comments by various personalities on Sachin’s 100th century

Interesting comments by various personalities on Sachin’s 100th  century

1. Digvijay Singh – Sachin is an RSS agent. All these days he was waiting to score his century against a Muslim country.
2. Manmohan Singh – I congratulate Sachin and also appreciate leadership of Shrimati Sonia Gandhi.
3. Rahul Gandhi – My grandmother created Bangladesh. She deserves the credit for this century.
4. Raj Thakrey – Sachin has proved himself to be a true Marathi Manus after scoring this century. So what if India has lost, Maharashtrians can not take the responsibility of the whole nation.
5. Mulayam Singh Yadav – If Sachin was from UP, I would have made tickets of all Cricket matches ‘Tax free’.
6. Anna Hazare – Sachin deserves to be the next lokpal of the country.
7. Baba Ramdev – If you multiply all the runs Sachin has made by a billion is what is the total black money in foreign country.
8. Kapil Sibbal – Social media need to control comments on Sachin’s century. It will harm the fabric of secularism in India.>
9. Swami Agnivesh – Now that Bangladesh has helped Sachin score his 100th century, they have proved to be a true friend of India. Lets welcome their citizen in India and let them live wherever they can. Lets issue them voter’s ID card
10. Kris Shrikant – We selectors hope that by 2050, Sachin will also score his 150th century.
11. Arjun Tendulkar – I want to play with my father in 2020 world cup.
12. Sachin Tendulkar himself – Aaeellaaaa…. Now what excuse I will make to not retire.
13. Sonia Gandhi – Er….. She did not respond since she is suffering from an undisclosed disease.
14. Karuna Nidhi.......Who is Sachin Tandulkar?
15. Jayalalitha.....Sometimes Sashikala could have been right. She said something about this guy. I ignored it as I thought that he was a Bollywood filmstar...In any case Dr. MGR was a better player

But the best one indeed from Mamta which appeared in some Bengali daily: She said- She was not consulted in advance on such massive score hike, hence the century should be rolled back to 90. She also demanded if it is not rolled back or withdrawn by weekend, Sachin should be replaced in the team by MadanMuloRoy.

Who is the BEST

Who is the BEST - Infosys, Wipro or TCS? 


One day, three consultants, one from Wipro, one from Infosys and one from TCS, went out for a walk. 


"Why don't we prove who is the best among ourselves?" 


Why not, said the other two. 


The Infosian said "Let's have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh, works for the best firm". 




Being a pure logical strategist, the person from TCS tried to make the monkey Laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still. As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny gestures... No good, the monkey stayed put. Now, comes the Infosian. Being the practical guy he was always trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst out laughing at him. The other two were astonished. 


So the Wipro guy said "OK, let's take another test. Let's make this monkey cry!!" 




So there they went again, applying the same methods as before. The TCS guy narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they failed again. 


Then, the Infosian again whispered something into the monkey's ear and oh! It started crying, patting the Infosian's shoulder! The other two just could not believe their eyes! 


So the TCS guy said "OK, you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let's make this monkey run". 




And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed where it was.. The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the monkey- still No go. So...here comes Infosian, again, and whispers into the monkey's ear. The Monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was scared to death! The other two surrendered. 




They Said: "OK, we give up. You're the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three. But please, please tell us your secret," they begged him. 


"Well", said the Infosian , "The first time I made it laugh, I told I work for Infosys . The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid ...so it started crying. And then I told that I was here for recruitment !!!"

Aam Hai Kya...?

A Parrot Goes To A Shopkeeper And Asks ... 'Aam Hai Kya?'
The Shopkeeper Says ... 'Nahi. Hum Aam Nahi Bechte.'


Next Day At The Same Time, The Parrot Goes Again And Asks Him ...'Aam Hai Kya ?'
He Gets A Little Irritated And Says... 'Aare Bola Na, Hum 'Aam Nahi Bechte'


On The Third Day, The Parrot Goes Again And Asks Him 'Aam Hai Kya ?'
He Gets Wild And Yells ...'Bola Na Naahi. Abhi Vapas Aaya To Hathoda Marunga Sar Ke Upar'


The Next Day,The Parrot Comes Again And Asks Him ..'Hathoda Hai Kya ?'
The Shopkeeper Says ... 'Nahi'


The Parrot Then Asks ... 'Aam Hai Kya ?'




The Next Day Parrot Again Goes To Shopkeeper And Asks
"Aam Hai Kya??"


The Shopkeeper Is Ready Now....
He Quickly Pulls A Hammer And Hits The Parrot On The Face.


The Parrot Looses All His Teeth
But Determined, Parrot Again Goes 2 The Shopkeeper Next Day N Asks




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"AAM KA JUICE HAI KYA???"

Santa In Intensive Care Unit

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care unit ward, put in a bed tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition. 


Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali." 


The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi." 


This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta." 


Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana." 


Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit." 


Replied the other, "Santa." 


A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer." 


Santa responded, "Sagittarius."

Dost

1. RESULT AGAR ACHCHA HO:
Maa - Bhagwan Ki Kripa Hai.
Papa - Beta Kiska Hai.
Dost - Chal Daaru Peete Hain.


2. RESULT AGAR BURA HO:
Maa - Aag Lage Is Mobile Main.
Papa - Laad Pyar Ne Bigaad Diya.
Dost  - Chal Daaru Peete Hain.


3. BIRTHDAY PAR:
Maa - Jug Jug Jiye Mera Beta.
Papa - Hamesha Aage Badhe.
Dost - Chal Daaru Peete Hain.


4. LOVE MAIN FAIL HONE PAR:
Maa - Beta Bhool Ja Usko.
Papa - Mard Ban.
Dost - Chal Daaru Peete Hain.




MORAL OF THE STORY :
Duniya Badal Jati Hai Par Dost Kabhi Nahi Badalte... 

Amitabh Bachhan Calls Rajanikanth

Rajnikanth Was Bragging To Amitabh Bachchan One Day, "You Know, I Know Everyone. Just Name Someone, Anyone, And I Know Them."


Tired Of His Boasting, Amitabh Called His Bluff, "Ok, Rajini How About Tom Cruise?" 


"Sure, Yes, Tom And I Are Old Friends, And I Can Prove It" Rajini Said.


So Rajini And Amitabh Fly Out To Hollywood And Knock On Tom Cruise's Door, And Sure Enough, Tom Cruise Shouts: ---


"Thalaiva! Great To See You! You And Your Friends Come Right In And Join Me For Lunch!"


...Although Impressed, Amitabh Is Still Skeptical.


After They Leave Cruise's House, He Tells Rajini That He Thinks Rajini Knowing Cruise Was Just Lucky.


"No, No, Just Name Anyone Else" Rajini Says


.."President Obama", Amitabh Quickly Retorts


..."Yes", Rajini Says, "I Know Him."


And Off They Go.


At The White House, Obama Spots Rajini On The Tour And Motions Him, Saying :----


"Rajini, What A Surprise, I Was Just On My Way To A Meeting, But You And Your Friend Come On In And Let's Have A Cup Of Coffee First And Catch Up".


Well, Amitabh Bachchan Is Much Shaken By Now, But Still Not Totally Convinced.


After They Leave The White House Grounds, He Implores Him To Name Anyone Else.


"The Pope, "Amitabh Bachan Replies


..."Sure!" Says Rajini,


"My Folks Are From Italy And I've Known The Pope A Long Time".


Rajini And Amitabh Are Assembled With The Masses In Vatican Square When Rajini Says,


"This Will Never Work. I Can't Catch The Pope's Eye Among All These People.
Tell You What, I Know All The Guards So Let Me Just Go Upstairs And I'll Come Out On The Balcony With The Pope."


And He Disappears Into The Crowd Headed Toward The Vatican ..


Sure Enough, Half An Hour Later Rajini Emerges With The Pope On The Balcony.


But By The Time Rajini Returns, He Finds That Amitabh Bachchan Has Had A Heart Attack And Is Surrounded By Paramedics.


Working His Way To Amitabh Bachchan's Side, Rajini Asks Him, "What Happened?"


Amitabh Bachchan Looks Up And Says,


"I Was Doing Fine Until You And The Pope Came Out On The Balcony And The Italian Man Next To Me Asked,


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"Who's That On The Balcony With Rajini?"

Position or Performance?

A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates.


Ahead of him is a guy, nattily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?


The guy replies: I am Seenu, Auto driver from Mangalore !
God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Seenu: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ..


Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.
God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...


'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?'


'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.


'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people PRAYED.'




Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.

Meaning Of Car Names

BMW: Brings Me Women.

FIAT: Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.

FORD: For Only Rough Drivers.

HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive....

VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.

PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything.

KIA: Kills In Accidents


OPEL: Old People Enjoying Life


TOYOTA: The One You Only Trust, Always.

GOLF/GTI: Girls Only Love Fun / Get Them Inside


HONDA: Hanged Over, Now Driving Away.

Taxi Driver

A Taxi Passenger Tapped The Driver On The Shoulder To Ask Him A Question. 


The Driver Screamed, Lost Control Of The Car, Nearly Hit A Bus, Went Up On The Footpath, And Stopped Centimeters From A Shop Window.




For A Second Everything Went Quiet In The Cab, Then The Driver Said, "Look Mate, Don't Ever Do That Again. You Scared The Daylights Out Of Me!" 


The Passenger Apologized And Said, "I Didn't Realize That A Little Tap Would Scare You So Much."




The Driver Replied, "Sorry, It's Not Really Your Fault. Today Is My First Day As A Cab Driver. I've Been Driving A Funeral Van For The Last 25 Years." 

Programmer Vs Non-Programmer

A Non-programmer Thinks There Are 1000 Bytes In A Kilobyte.


A Programmer Is Convinced That There Are 1024 Meters In A Kilometer.


Non-programmer : I've Just Become A Member Of Rotract Club.
Programmer : Public Member Or Private?


Non-programmer: Hey.. My Submarine Is Not Sinking Into The Water!! What Could Be Wrong?
Programmer: May Be You Have Used Float Instead Of Double In The Software.


Non-programmer: Hey Bill, Can You Do Me A Favor? Can You Pass On These 500 Rupees To My Friend Joe?
Programmer: Sure.. Why Not? But Tell Me One Thing. Tell Me Whether Its Pass By Value Or Pass By Reference.