Who is the BEST

Who is the BEST - Infosys, Wipro or TCS? 


One day, three consultants, one from Wipro, one from Infosys and one from TCS, went out for a walk. 


"Why don't we prove who is the best among ourselves?" 


Why not, said the other two. 


The Infosian said "Let's have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh, works for the best firm". 




Being a pure logical strategist, the person from TCS tried to make the monkey Laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still. As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny gestures... No good, the monkey stayed put. Now, comes the Infosian. Being the practical guy he was always trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst out laughing at him. The other two were astonished. 


So the Wipro guy said "OK, let's take another test. Let's make this monkey cry!!" 




So there they went again, applying the same methods as before. The TCS guy narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they failed again. 


Then, the Infosian again whispered something into the monkey's ear and oh! It started crying, patting the Infosian's shoulder! The other two just could not believe their eyes! 


So the TCS guy said "OK, you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let's make this monkey run". 




And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed where it was.. The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the monkey- still No go. So...here comes Infosian, again, and whispers into the monkey's ear. The Monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was scared to death! The other two surrendered. 




They Said: "OK, we give up. You're the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three. But please, please tell us your secret," they begged him. 


"Well", said the Infosian , "The first time I made it laugh, I told I work for Infosys . The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid ...so it started crying. And then I told that I was here for recruitment !!!"

Aam Hai Kya...?

A Parrot Goes To A Shopkeeper And Asks ... 'Aam Hai Kya?'
The Shopkeeper Says ... 'Nahi. Hum Aam Nahi Bechte.'


Next Day At The Same Time, The Parrot Goes Again And Asks Him ...'Aam Hai Kya ?'
He Gets A Little Irritated And Says... 'Aare Bola Na, Hum 'Aam Nahi Bechte'


On The Third Day, The Parrot Goes Again And Asks Him 'Aam Hai Kya ?'
He Gets Wild And Yells ...'Bola Na Naahi. Abhi Vapas Aaya To Hathoda Marunga Sar Ke Upar'


The Next Day,The Parrot Comes Again And Asks Him ..'Hathoda Hai Kya ?'
The Shopkeeper Says ... 'Nahi'


The Parrot Then Asks ... 'Aam Hai Kya ?'




The Next Day Parrot Again Goes To Shopkeeper And Asks
"Aam Hai Kya??"


The Shopkeeper Is Ready Now....
He Quickly Pulls A Hammer And Hits The Parrot On The Face.


The Parrot Looses All His Teeth
But Determined, Parrot Again Goes 2 The Shopkeeper Next Day N Asks




Scroll Down


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"AAM KA JUICE HAI KYA???"

Amitabh Bachhan Calls Rajanikanth

Rajnikanth Was Bragging To Amitabh Bachchan One Day, "You Know, I Know Everyone. Just Name Someone, Anyone, And I Know Them."


Tired Of His Boasting, Amitabh Called His Bluff, "Ok, Rajini How About Tom Cruise?" 


"Sure, Yes, Tom And I Are Old Friends, And I Can Prove It" Rajini Said.


So Rajini And Amitabh Fly Out To Hollywood And Knock On Tom Cruise's Door, And Sure Enough, Tom Cruise Shouts: ---


"Thalaiva! Great To See You! You And Your Friends Come Right In And Join Me For Lunch!"


...Although Impressed, Amitabh Is Still Skeptical.


After They Leave Cruise's House, He Tells Rajini That He Thinks Rajini Knowing Cruise Was Just Lucky.


"No, No, Just Name Anyone Else" Rajini Says


.."President Obama", Amitabh Quickly Retorts


..."Yes", Rajini Says, "I Know Him."


And Off They Go.


At The White House, Obama Spots Rajini On The Tour And Motions Him, Saying :----


"Rajini, What A Surprise, I Was Just On My Way To A Meeting, But You And Your Friend Come On In And Let's Have A Cup Of Coffee First And Catch Up".


Well, Amitabh Bachchan Is Much Shaken By Now, But Still Not Totally Convinced.


After They Leave The White House Grounds, He Implores Him To Name Anyone Else.


"The Pope, "Amitabh Bachan Replies


..."Sure!" Says Rajini,


"My Folks Are From Italy And I've Known The Pope A Long Time".


Rajini And Amitabh Are Assembled With The Masses In Vatican Square When Rajini Says,


"This Will Never Work. I Can't Catch The Pope's Eye Among All These People.
Tell You What, I Know All The Guards So Let Me Just Go Upstairs And I'll Come Out On The Balcony With The Pope."


And He Disappears Into The Crowd Headed Toward The Vatican ..


Sure Enough, Half An Hour Later Rajini Emerges With The Pope On The Balcony.


But By The Time Rajini Returns, He Finds That Amitabh Bachchan Has Had A Heart Attack And Is Surrounded By Paramedics.


Working His Way To Amitabh Bachchan's Side, Rajini Asks Him, "What Happened?"


Amitabh Bachchan Looks Up And Says,


"I Was Doing Fine Until You And The Pope Came Out On The Balcony And The Italian Man Next To Me Asked,


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"Who's That On The Balcony With Rajini?"

Position or Performance?

A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates.


Ahead of him is a guy, nattily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?


The guy replies: I am Seenu, Auto driver from Mangalore !
God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Seenu: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ..


Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.
God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...


'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?'


'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.


'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people PRAYED.'




Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.

Goodbye Prayer

A Father Put His 3 Year Old Daughter To Bed, Told Her A Story And Listened To Her Prayers Which Ended By Saying: 
"God Bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy, God Bless Grandma And Goodbye Grandpa."


The Father Asked, "Why Did You Say Goodbye Grandpa?"


The Little Girl Said, "I Don't Know Daddy, It Just Seemed Like The Thing To Do."


The Next Day Grandpa Died. The Father Thought It Was A Strange Coincidence.


A Few Months Later The Father Put The Girl To Bed And Listened To Her Prayers Which Went Like This: 
"God Bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy And Goodbye Grandma." The Next Day The Grandmother Died.


"Holy Moley, Thought The Father, This Kid Is In Contact With The Other Side.


Several Weeks Later When The Girl Was Going To Bed The Dad Heard Her Say: "God Bless Mommy And Goodbye Daddy." He Practically Went Into Shock.


He Couldn't Sleep All Night And Got Up At The Crack Of Dawn To Go To His Office. He Was Nervous As A Cat All Day, Had Lunch And Watched The Clock.
He Figured If He Could Get By Until Midnight He Would Be Okay. 
He Felt Safe In The Office, So Instead Of Going Home At The End Of The Day He Stayed There, Drinking Coffee, Looking At His Watch And Jumping At Every Sound.


Finally, Midnight Arrived, He Breathed A Sigh Of Relief And Went Home. When He Got Home His Wife Said, "I've Never Seen You Work So Late, What's The Matter?"


He Said, "I Don't Want To Talk About It, I've Just Spent The Worst Day Of My Life."


She Said, "You Think You Had A Bad Day, You'll Never Believe What Happened To Me. This Morning My Golf Professor Dropped Dead In The Middle Of My Lesson.

God Is Never Wrong

A King Who Did Not Believe In The Goodness Of God, Had A Slave Who, In All Circumstances, Said: My King, Do Not Be Discouraged, Because Everything God Does Is Perfect, No Mistakes!

One Day They Went Hunting And Along The Way A Wild Animal Attacked The King. His Slave Managed To Kill The Animal, But Could Not Prevent His Majesty Losing A Finger.

Furious And Without Showing His Gratitude For Being Saved, The Nobleman Said "Is God Good? If He Was Good, I Would Not Have Been Attacked And Lost My Finger."

The Slave Replied: "My King, Despite All These Things, I Can Only Tell You That God Is Good, And He Knows "Why" Of All These Things. What God Does Is Perfect. He Is Never Wrong!"

Outraged By The Response, The King Ordered The Arrest Of His Slave.

Later, He Left For Another Hunt And Was Captured By Savages Who Made Human Sacrifices.

In The Altar, Ready To Sacrifice The Nobleman, The Savages Found That The Victim Had Not One Of His Fingers, So He Was Released. According To Them, It Was Not So Complete To Be Offered To The Gods.

Upon His Return To The Palace, He Authorized The Release Of His Slave That He Received Very Affectionately.

"My Dear, God Was Really Good To Me! I Was Almost Killed By The Wild Men, But For Lack Of A Single Finger, I Was Let Go! But I Have A Question: If God Is So Good, Why Did He Allow Me To Put You In Jail?"

"My King, If I Had Gone With You In This Hunt, I Would Have Been Sacrificed For You, Because I Have No Missing Finger, Therefore, Remember Everything God Does Is Perfect. He Is Never Wrong."

Often We Complain About Life, And Negative Things That Happen To Us, Forgetting That Nothing Is Random And That Everything Has A Purpose.

Every Morning, Offer Your Day To God, Don't Be In A Rush.

Ask God To Inspire Your Thoughts, Guide Your Actions, And Ease Your Feelings. And Do Not Be Afraid. God Is Never Wrong!

You Know Why This Message Is For You? I Do Not Know, But God Knows, Because He Never Makes Mistakes.......

The Path Of God And His Word Is Perfect, Without Impurities. He Is The Way Of All Those Who Trust In Him.

What You Do With This Message Is Up To You. May God Put In Your Heart The Desire To Send It To Someone. God Knows Why He Choose You To Receive This Message. 
Please Bless Someone With It.

God Is Never Wrong

Taxi Driver

A Taxi Passenger Tapped The Driver On The Shoulder To Ask Him A Question. 


The Driver Screamed, Lost Control Of The Car, Nearly Hit A Bus, Went Up On The Footpath, And Stopped Centimeters From A Shop Window.




For A Second Everything Went Quiet In The Cab, Then The Driver Said, "Look Mate, Don't Ever Do That Again. You Scared The Daylights Out Of Me!" 


The Passenger Apologized And Said, "I Didn't Realize That A Little Tap Would Scare You So Much."




The Driver Replied, "Sorry, It's Not Really Your Fault. Today Is My First Day As A Cab Driver. I've Been Driving A Funeral Van For The Last 25 Years." 

Where to tap

Ever Heard The Story Of The Giant Ship Engine That Failed?
The  Ship's Owners Tried One Expert After Another, But None Of Them Could Figure But How To Fix The Engine.


Then They Brought In An Old Man Who Had Been Fixing Ships Since He Was A Youngster.

He Carried A Large Bag Of Tools With Him, And When He Arrived, He  Immediately Went To Work. 
He Inspected The Engine Very Carefully,  Top To Bottom. 


Two Of The Ship's Owners Were There, Watching This Man, Hoping He Would Know What To Do. 
After Looking Things Over, The Old Man Reached Into His Bag And Pulled Out A Small Hammer. 


He Gently  Tapped Something. Instantly, The Engine Lurched Into Life.


He Carefully Put His Hammer Away. 
The Engine Was Fixed! 
A Week Later, The Owners Received A Bill From The Old Man For Ten Thousand  Dollars.


"What?!" The Owners Exclaimed. "He Hardly Did Anything!"


So They Wrote The Old Man A Note Saying, "Please Send Us An Itemized Bill."




The Man Sent A Bill That Read:


Tapping With A Hammer ..      $2.00
Knowing Where To .......... $9998.00


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Moral: Effort Is Important, But Knowing Where To Make An Effort In Your  Life Makes All The Difference.

Programmer Vs Non-Programmer

A Non-programmer Thinks There Are 1000 Bytes In A Kilobyte.


A Programmer Is Convinced That There Are 1024 Meters In A Kilometer.


Non-programmer : I've Just Become A Member Of Rotract Club.
Programmer : Public Member Or Private?


Non-programmer: Hey.. My Submarine Is Not Sinking Into The Water!! What Could Be Wrong?
Programmer: May Be You Have Used Float Instead Of Double In The Software.


Non-programmer: Hey Bill, Can You Do Me A Favor? Can You Pass On These 500 Rupees To My Friend Joe?
Programmer: Sure.. Why Not? But Tell Me One Thing. Tell Me Whether Its Pass By Value Or Pass By Reference. 

Heaven

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. 


She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you." 


When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her. 


"Which word?" the woman asked.  


"Love." 


The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. 


About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. 


While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?" 


"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?" 


"You have to spell a word," the woman told him. 
"Which word?" her husband asked. 


"Czechoslovakia ." 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Moral of the story:  Never make a woman angry... There will be Hell to pay later!

Asking The Right Question!

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. 
Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.


Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"


So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I  smoke while I pray?" 


The Priest replies, "No, my son, you  may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."


Jack goes back to his friend and  tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not  surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."


And so Max  goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"


To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all  means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want  to."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Moral of the story is... The reply you get depends on the  question you ask.


For example, if you want a vacation when still  working on a project don't ask for the holiday; 
Ask: "Can I keep  working on this project while I'm on vacation?"


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Best Excuse By A Female Employee!!

This incident, is supposed to have happened in real life.

My friend, who is a the head of Human Resources at a very large bank,

says that the best excuse for absenteeism, that he had ever received in his career of almost 22 years, was from a female Indian employee, at their bank's head quarters at Mumbai, India, in July, 2010.

He says when the lady, was questioned on why she remained absent the previous day, she simply replied .......

"But sir, I had no option. My husband was on casual leave yesterday and was at home.

By mistake he took pills from the wrong bottle in our medicine cabinet and ended up consuming an over-dose of Viagra !

Now how could I have left him, all alone at home, with the house-maid ?"

Love & Marriage Explained Beautifully...

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back o pick."

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later.

Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.

So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person...."

*"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... this is marriage."

The Seed!!

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business..

Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.

He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO.

I have decided to choose one of you.. "The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special SEED... I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.

Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing.

By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however.

He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.

Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful -- in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.

Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!"

All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed - Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer!

His name is Jim!" Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed.

"How could he be the new CEO?" the others said.

Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow.

All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!"

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust

* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends

* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness

* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment

* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective

* If you plant hard work, you will reap success

* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation

* If you plant faith in God, you will reap a harvest

So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later.

"Whatever You Give To Life, Life Gives You Back"

You Are Wonderful

The following story captured our heart. It happened several years ago in the Paris opera house. A famous singer had been contracted to sing, and ticket sales werebooming. In fact, the night of the concert found the house packed and every ticket sold.

The feeling of anticipation and excitement was in the air as the house manager took the stage and said, Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your enthusiastic support. I am afraid that due to illness, the man whom you've all come to hear will not be performing tonight. However, we have found a suitable substitute we hope will provide you with comparable entertainment.

The crowd groaned in disappointmentand failed to hear the announcer mention the stand-in's name. The environment turned from excitement to frustration.

The stand-in performer gave the performance everything he had. When he had finished,there was nothing but an uncomfortable silence. No one applauded. Suddenly, from the balcony, a little boy stood up and shouted, Daddy, I think you are wonderful! The crowd broke into thunderous applause.

We all need people in our Lives who are willing to stand up once in a while and say, I think you are wonderful.

And at times others are expecting this from you.

Are you telling them how wonderful you are . . .??????????

Say it now and make someone's day more pleasant.

Once Buddha was travelling with a few of his followers. While they were passing a lake, Buddha told one of his disciples, "I am thirsty. Do get me some water from the lake."



The disciple walked up to the lake. At that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake. As a result, the water became very muddy and turbid. The disciple thought, "How can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink?"

So he came back and told Buddha, "The water in there is very muddy. I don't think it is fit to drink."

After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back to the lake.

The disciple went back, and found that the water was still muddy. He returned and informed Buddha about the same.

After sometime, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back.

This time, the disciple found the mud had settled down, and the water was clean and clear. So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha.

Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said," See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be, and the mud settled down on its own -- and you have clear water.

Your mind is like that too ! When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own. You don't have to put in any effort to calm it down. It will happen. It is effortless."

Having 'Peace of Mind' is not a strenuous job; it is an effortless process!

TREAT EVERYONE WITH POLITENESS
EVEN THOSE WHO ARE RUDE TO YOU
NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT NICE
BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE NICE.

कॉलेज गारवा

Syllybus जरा जास्तच आहे
दर वर्षी वाटतो...
Chapters पाहून Passing चा
Problem मनात दाटतो...

तरी lectures चालू राहतात
डोक्यात काही घुसत नहीं....
चित्र-विचित्र figures शिवाय
Board वर काहीच दिसत नाही....

तितक्यात कुठून तरी Function ची
Date जवळ येते...
Sem मधले काही दिवस
नकळत चोरून नेते...

नंतर lecturers Extra घेउन
भरभरा शिकवत राहतात...
Problems Example Theory सांगून
Syllybus लवकर संपवू पाहतात...

पुन्हा हात चालू लागतात...
मन चालत नाही....
सरांशिवाय वर्गामध्ये
कुणीच बोलत नाही...

Lectures संपून Submission चा
सुरु होतो पुन्हा खेळ..
journal Complete करण्यामध्ये
फार फार जातो वेळ...

चक्क डोळ्यांसमोर Syllybus
चुटकी सरशी sampun जातो..
'PL's मध्ये वाचून सुद्धा
Paper काबर सो...सो..च जातो?????

Office Life

सकाळ पासून वाट पाहणारा डब्बा केला मी फस्त
रोज दुपारी ऑफिस मध्ये येई झोप मस्त
ओले होतात डोळे, जांभळ्या देऊन देऊन
घ्यावी एक डुलकी तर साहेब बघतो दुनकून

ऑफिस मधली दुपार, बंद पाडते नैसर्गिक घड्याळ
डोळे उघडून प्रभावी, होतात मानसिक हाल
डुबवून काढला चेहरा, पण झोप उडत नाही
काय करावे दुपारचे काहीच सुचत नाही

मी खुर्ची मध्ये, आणि वेळ पुढे-पुढे सरकत जाते
वेळेची गती, आणि माझी बुद्धिमत्ती संत होत जाते
अखंड काळाचे असतात एक ते तीन चे दोन तास
आणि मग कटिंग मारून संपतो दुपारचा वनवास

New Ending to 3 IDIOTS:

After Rancho suddenly disappears from ICE, Raju and Farhan Decide to call the world famous CID.

ACP: Ohh MY GODD !!! Rancho Gayab hai !! Abhijeet, Daya...campus ko acchi tarah se CHECK KARO !! Woh zaroor koi na koi suraag chhod gaya hoga !! (Shaking his finger)

(After searchin the campus like a pair of buffoons...Abhijeet and Daya find out that Joy had committed suicide 4 years back in the campus...)

Abhijeet: Sir, Mamla Gadbad hai...Yaha kisi joy naam ke student NE aatma-hatya ki thi 4 saal pehle. Lagta hai woh aatma hatya nahi...khoon tha...aur shayad khooni yeh rancho hi hoga !!!

ACP: OHH MY GODD !!!

ACP: Yeh joy ki kabar khod ke uski laash bahar nikalo...aur use forensic lab me leke aao...Dr. Salunkhe zarur koi na koi baat ughalva denge iss murde aadmi se !!

(after fredricks does all the digging and brings out the dead body of joy...and the next scene is of the forensic lab)

Dr. Salunkhe: ACP, bahot jaldi laash laaye tum...isse kuch bulvana mushkil hoga...lekin tum tension mat lo...tum Dr. Salunkhe ke lab se khali haat nahi jaoge..koi na koi raaz toh pata chal hi jayega

(after playin with some colour changing liquids)

Dr. Salunkhe : BOSS...tumne kaha isski maut suicide se hui hai...main kehta hu..iska khoon hua hai !!

ACP: Salunkhe !!! Mazaak ka waqt nahi hai !!...yeh kaise ho sakta hai??

Salunkhe: BOSS...sab kuch mumkin hai !! Yeh dekho...(shows him his star-trek type computer and does some really fast typing)

ACP: OHH MY GODD !! (still shaking his finger)....toh phir yeh baat hamein kisi NE batayi kyu nahi ??...ek kaam karo...uss principal ko yahaan leke aao bureau me...AB kya sach hai..wahi hamein batayega !!

(virus is brought to the bureau)

Virus: Sssir, mujhe yahaan kyun bulaya hai...Maine kuch nahi kiya

Abhijeet: sach sach batao...uss raat campus me kya hua tha???

Virus: sssir, main sssach bol raha hu...mujhe kuch nahi pata hai??

(daya gives him his special CHAMAAAT !!!)

Daya: Ab yaad aaya kuch???

Virus: Haan Sir, sab yaad AA gaya...Bata ta hu...sab Bata ta hu !

Fredricks: (constipated look)..sir.. daya sir ke chamaat me toh jaadu hai...iska 'sssss' kehna band ho gaya

ACP: Fredricks..chup raho !!

Virus: uss raat sab logo NE gay party ki thi....sab log apni underwear me campus me ghoom rahe the....main bhi tha...lekin mere saath koi flirt hi nahi kar raha tha...isliye main bahot gusse me tha...phir Joy aaya aur usne mujhe uska helicopter dikhaya...Maine uska helicopter gutter me fek diya..toh woh rote rote apne room me chale gaya. Aur next din humne dekha toh uska murder ho gaya tha...lekin aap please yeh baat kisi se boliye mat...college ki badnaami ho jayegi...

ACP: hum kisi ko nahi batayenge... tum hamare saath co-operate karo

(virus leaves)

ACP: yahaan kuch toh gadbad hai daya....aisa kaise ho sakta hai ki campus me khoon ho gaya aur kisi NE CID ko bulaya hi nahin??

Abhijeet: sir shayad logo ko pata hai...ki pehle police ko bulana chaiye...CID ko nahi !!

ACP: Aur yeh kaise hua ki khooni campus me AA gaya..aur campus se khoon kar ke nikal gaya??

Vivek : Sir, shayad yeh bhi ho sakta hai ki khooni koi student hi ho?

ACP: haan vivek...kuch bhi ho sakta hai...kuch bhi (shaking finger)..ek kaam karo abhijeet...phir se campus me chalte hain...aur acchi tarah se check karte hain...yahaan daal me kuch kaala hai !!

Abhijeet: sir daal me kala nahi...puri daal mere jaisi kaali hi hai !!

(they reach the campus in their ol' faithful qualis which changes colour every episode...but the number plate is still the same...and daya slams the breaks....SCCHRREEE ECH !!)

ACP: Abhijeet, Vivek tum pura campus CHECK KARO....Daya tum iss campus ke saare DARWAAZE TOD DO !!....Fredricks. ..tum sab logo ko tumhare jokes se entertain karo...aur main yahaan baith ke apni ungli hilata hu....chalo sab apne apne kaam pe lag jaao !!

(after checking the campus)

Vivek: Sir, yahaan aiye....yeh dekho...yeh ek chatur naam ke ladke ki diary mili hai sir...isme likha hai ki woh rancho aur rancho ek dusre ke dushman the...aur woh rancho se badla Lena chahta tha !!

ACP : (shaking finger...as usual)...OHH MY GODD !!! AB yeh Chatur kaun hai...aur iske room se itni baas kyun AA rahi hai !!...Good work vivek !!...iss evidence ko forensic lab Le jao !

Abhijeet: Haain !!! Sir, dheere dheere sab pata chal raha hai...shayad se iss chatur NE hi joy ka khoon kiya hoga !! Aur rancho kahaan gaya...usse hi pata hoga !!

ACP: Toh bulao iss Chatur ko Bureau mein...isse hi pooch ke dekhte hain !!

(chatur in interrogation)

ACP: Rancho kahaan hai ??

Chatur : I Don't Know Sir !! Mujhe nahi pata !!

Abhijeet: Dekho Sach Sach Batao !! Hamein yeh diary mili hai tumhare room se...isme saaf saaf likha hai ki tumhein rancho se jalan thi

Chatur : (over-acting) ...mujhe nahi pata hai sir !! maine kuch nai kiya hai

(Daya gives ONE TIGHT SLAP and the chair spins)

Chatur: Haan haan...maine hi khoon kiya tha joy ka...kyonki usne mechanical helicopter banaya tha project me...aur maine sirf paper ka rocket banaya tha....boo hoo hoo !! Lekin phir woh kambakht Rancho aa gaya...usne mujhe dekh liya tha...isliye maine usko bhi gayab kar diya

ACP: waah...kya plan banaya tha...lekin afsos tum CID ke saamne kamiyaab nahi ho paaye...ab banate rehna plan...JAIL me...Tumhe toh FAASI hogi FAASI !!

यमराज का इस्तीफा

एक दिन
यमदेव ने दे दिया
अपना इस्तीफा।
मच गया हाहाकार
बिगड़ गया सब
संतुलन,
करने के लिए
स्थिति का आकलन,
इन्द्र देव ने देवताओं
की आपात सभा
बुलाई
और फिर यमराज
को कॉल लगाई।

'डायल किया गया
नंबर कृपया जाँच लें'
कि आवाज तब सुनाई।

नये-नये ऑफ़र
देखकर नम्बर बदलने की
यमराज की इस आदत पर
इन्द्रदेव को खुन्दक आई,

पर मामले की नाजुकता
को देखकर,
मन की बात उन्होने
मन में ही दबाई।
किसी तरह यमराज
का नया नंबर मिला,
फिर से फोन
लगाया गया तो
'तुझसे है मेरा नाता
पुराना कोई' का
मोबाईल ने
कॉलर टयून सुनाया।

सुन-सुन कर ये
सब बोर हो गये
ऐसा लगा शायद
यमराज जी सो गये।

तहकीकात करने पर
पता लगा,
यमदेव पृथ्वीलोक
में रोमिंग पे हैं,
शायद इसलिए,
नहीं दे रहे हैं
हमारी कॉल पे ध्यान,
क्योंकि बिल भरने
में निकल जाती है
उनकी भी जान।

अन्त में किसी
तरह यमराज
हुये इन्द्र के दरबार
में पेश,
इन्द्रदेव ने तब
पूछा-यम
क्या है ये
इस्तीफे का केस?
यमराज जी तब
मुँह खोले
और बोले-

हे इंद्रदेव।
'मल्टीप्लैक्स' में
जब भी जाता हूँ,
'भैंसे' की पार्किंग
न होने की वजह से
बिन फिल्म देखे,
ही लौट के आता हूँ।
'बरिस्ता' और 'मैकडोन्लड'
वाले तो देखते ही देखते
इज्जत उतार
देते हैं और
सबके सामने ही
ढ़ाबे में जाकर
खाने-की सलाह
दे देते हैं।

मौत के अपने
काम पर जब
पृथ्वीलोक जाता हूँ
'भैंसे' पर मुझे
देखकर पृथ्वीवासी
भी हँसते हैं
और कार न होने
के ताने कसते हैं।
भैंसे पर बैठे-बैठे
झटके बड़े रहे हैं
वायुमार्ग में भी
अब ट्रैफिक बढ़ रहे हैं।
रफ्तार की इस दुनिया
का मैं भैंसे से
कैसे करूँगा पीछा।
आप कुछ समझ रहे हो
या कुछ और दूँ शिक्षा।

और तो और, देखो
रम्भा के पास है
'टोयटा'
और उर्वशी को है
आपने 'एसेन्ट' दिया,
फिर मेरे साथ
ये अन्याय क्यों किया?
हे इन्द्रदेव।
मेरे इस दु:ख को
समझो और
चार पहिए की
जगह
चार पैरों वाला
दिया है कह
कर अब मुझे न
बहलाओ,
और जल्दी से
'मर्सिडीज़' मुझे
दिलाओ।
वरना मेरा
इस्तीफा
अपने साथ
ही लेकर जाओ।
और मौत का
ये काम
अब किसी और से
करवाओ।